Surgery number 2

Surgery last saturday had to be the worst day ever... I was so scared that day,, i walked in the room and lied down in the bed... i remember my thoughts when the doctor told me to think of something happy,,, it was her.... then i felt the point of the knife cutting in " the worst pain ever!!! i could kill someone for it,, i held the nurses wrist and crushed it,, im sorry,,, i held the bed but it wouldnt calm the pain down,, i was being held down by belts in the bed,,, 6 hours of freaking pain in a bed without me doing anything,, guess wat happened Kurt! im the strongest man in this earth!! i ripped one of the belts!! beat that!! 6 hours pass bye,, im a monster of anger, and as soon as it ended i asked to be released but they didnt... i dont recall any light,,, i woke up at night in the darkest room,, in a corner tied up,, i had "Her" in my mind all the time.. i dont wanna remember that ever again... I was talking to her yesterday,, something was wrong with me,, i hated the fact that she was showing me vids and all i could do is listen to metallica and totally close my fucking ears,, im sorry,, i was in pain,, i really was im sorry sorry,,, ill try my best to heal faster :) it will make our convos better!! No theres no shining through no theres no sun shining!! Im having a bad day like always,,, we lost another persons life today.. im sorry...